Advice

ADVICE

The best parents are students

By Dan Seaborn

It was one of those days when I just wanted to go to bed and fall asleep before one more bad thing could happen. All day long, everywhere I went I was ruining everything. The hours were chock-full of my big mistakes: meetings went horribly, food didn't taste right, I kept tripping over my shoelaces, and people in general just weren't happy.

The clincher of the day was a phone call I received in the afternoon. A gentleman contacted me to say that he had a problem with something I had said in a speech earlier that week.

Now, I know there have been times when I've said things that end up being controversial. I have certainly deserved a few confrontations, but this was not one of those times. This instance was a simple misunderstanding. I had innocently made a statement that someone else had taken completely the wrong way.

Normally stuff like that is easy to clear up, easy to get over, easy to make right. Not a chance with this guy - he was determined to convince me that I was a terrible person. He wouldn't listen to my explanation and he wouldn't allow me to apologize and move on. He would have nothing to do with resolution. It was almost like he wanted to have something to hold against me.

After his call, my day pretty much felt like a pit. I repeatedly analysed that one phone conversation in my head, each time going back and forth from annoyance and frustration to anger and restlessness. I analysed on my way home and all through dinner. I was still thinking about the call as I tucked my son into bed that night.

Distracted by my own thoughts, I rattled off a little bit of what had happened in my day. I explained how the man's comments had really gotten me down, and then I waited to see what my son would say.

His response was almost immediate. "Was what the guy said not true?" he asked. "Not true," I said.

My son looked me in the eye and shrugged his shoulders. "Then you need to move on and let it go. That's what you would tell me to do."

I stood there for a few seconds, feeling like I should go stand in a corner or something.

Sometimes I think my kids are geniuses.

People who work in the field of education will tell you that the best teachers are those who never stop learning. I think the same is true in parenting: the best parents are those who know how to be students.

As a dad, I often get stuck on the idea that my wife and I are the instructors in the house - that we're The Ones who instil values and demonstrate life lessons. But that isn't always true. There are plenty of things that we could do better if we would only learn how to take some cues from our kids.

Children know that the simple things in life are the most important. They understand that all it can take to fix a pretty bad day is a bucket of sidewalk chalk or an old tyre swing. Kids know how to enjoy the fun moments; they know that life's little worries can fade away in the length of time it takes to climb onto a trampoline.

Kids can teach us that grass feels great between toes, even if the calendar says it's November outside. Kids can teach us that sunsets are painted beautifully, especially when they're viewed past bedtime. Kids can teach us that life is great when you're free to laugh so hard that you fall off your chair. Kids can teach us how to let go.

Now I don't know about you, but I'll sign up for classes like that any day of the week.

Dan Seaborn is the founder of Winning At Home Inc, a nationally-known organization designed to assist and encourage people of all ages and stages of family development

© Christian Family Network
is run by CPO, supported by
Care for the Family, Marriage Resource, Positive Parenting,
Care, Women Alive, Christian Herald and many others.


		ADVICE The best parents are students By Dan Seaborn It was one of those days when I just wanted to go to bed and fall asleep before one more bad thing could happen. All day long, everywhere I went I was ruining everything. The hours were chock-full of my big mistakes: meetings went horribly, food didn't taste right, I kept tripping over my shoelaces, and people in general just weren't happy. The clincher of the day was a phone call I received in the afternoon. A gentleman contacted me to say that he had a problem with something I had said in a speech earlier that week. Now, I know there have been times when I've said things that end up being controversial. I have certainly deserved a few confrontations, but this was not one of those times. This instance was a simple misunderstanding. I had innocently made a statement that someone else had taken completely the wrong way. Normally stuff like that is easy to clear up, easy to get over, easy to make right. Not a chance with this guy - he was determined to convince me that I was a terrible person. He wouldn't listen to my explanation and he wouldn't allow me to apologize and move on. He would have nothing to do with resolution. It was almost like he wanted to have something to hold against me. After his call, my day pretty much felt like a pit. I repeatedly analysed that one phone conversation in my head, each time going back and forth from annoyance and frustration to anger and restlessness. I analysed on my way home and all through dinner. I was still thinking about the call as I tucked my son into bed that night. Distracted by my own thoughts, I rattled off a little bit of what had happened in my day. I explained how the man's comments had really gotten me down, and then I waited to see what my son would say. His response was almost immediate. "Was what the guy said not true?" he asked. "Not true," I said. My son looked me in the eye and shrugged his shoulders. "Then you need to move on and let it go. That's what you would tell me to do." I stood there for a few seconds, feeling like I should go stand in a corner or something. Sometimes I think my kids are geniuses. People who work in the field of education will tell you that the best teachers are those who never stop learning. I think the same is true in parenting: the best parents are those who know how to be students. As a dad, I often get stuck on the idea that my wife and I are the instructors in the house - that we're The Ones who instil values and demonstrate life lessons. But that isn't always true. There are plenty of things that we could do better if we would only learn how to take some cues from our kids. Children know that the simple things in life are the most important. They understand that all it can take to fix a pretty bad day is a bucket of sidewalk chalk or an old tyre swing. Kids know how to enjoy the fun moments; they know that life's little worries can fade away in the length of time it takes to climb onto a trampoline. Kids can teach us that grass feels great between toes, even if the calendar says it's November outside. Kids can teach us that sunsets are painted beautifully, especially when they're viewed past bedtime. Kids can teach us that life is great when you're free to laugh so hard that you fall off your chair. Kids can teach us how to let go. Now I don't know about you, but I'll sign up for classes like that any day of the week. Dan Seaborn is the founder of Winning At Home Inc, a nationally-known organization designed to assist and encourage people of all ages and stages of family development © Christian Family Network is run by CPO, supported by Care for the Family, Marriage Resource, Positive Parenting, Care, Women Alive, Christian Herald and many others.