Advice

BUILDING UP THE FAMILY

JACKIE STEAD meets a couple dedicated to helping local churches support and help parents reach their full potential

Are we facing a crisis in parenting? That's the question I put to Neil and Joan Sayers at Family Fullness Ministries. With years of experience in children's work, they have spent the last four years concentrating on leading parenting seminars in churches.

Neil explained: "It became clear to us that as we ministered to children, we had more and more parents coming to us saying: 'Can you help us?' 'Do you have material you can supply to help us with parenting issues?' so we began to introduce parenting seminars and now our work is almost exclusively with parents.

"What we find is that so many of the questions and concerns revolve around quite simple and basic parenting issues, but they need reassurance. Years ago, parents had their family unit around them to give support, but a lot of that has gone and so very often they just need someone to tell them they are doing OK."

Family Fullness Ministries began in 1996, when the Sayers took the decision to go into full-time ministry. As leaders of the children's ministry at New Life Church in Woking, they were increasingly asked to lead holiday clubs and youth weekends at other churches and felt God was calling them to develop the work.

They are now supported as missionaries by the New Life Church, which acts as their UK base and they have a US base in Redwood City, California. (They studied at a US Bible school specialising in training people to work with children and parents). Their work now takes them to the USA (about four or five times a year) into Mexico, Africa, Eastern Europe and South Africa.

Are there different problems facing parents in different countries, I wondered?

"There are obviously cultural differences. Here in the West, one of the greatest issues is that parents are simply not spending enough time with their children. But, it's not just the parents who are too busy. Children too are busy with music lessons, sports lessons and so on. The result is that parents and children are spending a lot less time together than is healthy. In Eastern Europe, this is not so much a problem at the moment, though as their culture becomes more westernised, it will become a problem.

"However, the basic parenting questions remain the same: discipline, behaviour problems and communication problems. It all comes back to reassurance.

"We always begin our teaching seminars by stressing two things: First, there is no condemnation for anyone – there is no such thing as a perfect parent and second, no-one is claiming to be an expert. It's simply a matter of making mistakes, learning from those mistakes and then sharing the things you have learned. This is always our starting point."

A unique feature of their ministry is the opportunity for one-to-one counselling in the home. Neil explained how this works:

"What usually happens is that we will spend about five or six days with a church and we will do a range of ministries – some public: preaching and teaching on a Sunday; parenting seminars; training for children's workers and perhaps a one-off event for the children. Then in the evenings and afternoons we will go into homes for ministry and counselling.

"Many people find it much easier to talk in the privacy of their own home than to ask questions at a public meeting. We like to spend an evening with the whole family, sharing a meal with them, and then talking and praying through the issues they raise. Sometimes it can be a very specific problem, but very often it's a basic issue and the parents just need some guidance."

Since questions about discipline were among the most common questions, I wondered how they reacted to recent campaigns to encourage parents not to use physical punishment to discipline their children.

"From a biblical point of view, Proverbs 23 clearly teaches that physical punishment is a God-ordained responsibility that parents have," says Neil. "However, it should always be done in a way and at a time that is appropriate, and it should always be done in love and never out of anger or on the spur of the moment.

"If you look at verse 14 of Proverbs 23, it says: 'Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death'. The verse has two parts, so discipline is not just about correcting behaviour, it has a spiritual benefit as well. Too often only verse 13 and the first part of verse 14 is quoted without the second part. We would always want to emphasise the two parts of this verse.

"We would also make it clear that discipline is solely a parent's responsibility – no one else has the right to do that unless a parent gives someone else, an uncle or grandparent, specific responsibility for this.

"As regards the Government stepping in to legislate on this, I think it is a very thorny issue and would encourage Christian parents to express their concerns to their MP. I realise that there are people who abuse their children and that some children get hurt, but the Bible clearly teaches that parents are released to discipline their children and we need to be careful and not allow Government to impose such restrictions on us."

As demand for their ministry continues to grow, the couple would like to provide more written resources and possibly a book. "We do a regular mailing and that includes a page of teaching for parents picking up on various issues,” explained Neil, "but we would like to expand this to a bi-monthly production as we are being increasingly asked to provide teaching on the latest films and crazes.

"It all started with the Pokemon cards. We produced an information sheet for parents which ended up being published in a Swedish newspaper. We have since addressed the Harry Potter film and The Lord of the Rings as many people were comparing the two.

"We try to keep an eye on current children's TV programmes and films, and address these issues. I think it's important for parents to realise the impact of these. They are very concerned to protect their children from physical things (ie bullying, drugs etc) but parents need to see that there is just as much danger from the things their children watch and read, which can cause great spiritual harm

"Every child is born with a desire for the supernatural – that is a relationship with God – and the enemy knows this and tries to play on that. The growth in programmes dealing with the occult such as Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Charmed and many children's cartoons, particularly on Nickelodeon, are feeding a spiritual hunger. It is vital that parents introduce and direct their children towards God rather than let all these other things take hold."

And it seems it's never too early to start! Recently, the couple have been asked to provide pre-marriage counselling in relation to parenting issues that are likely to arise. "We will sit down with a young couple and explain some of the issues they need to be aware of when they get to the point of thinking about children. We also encourage them to pray for their children even before conception and, once the baby is on the way, we would encourage the father to pray over the mother for the child so there is a spiritual dynamic taking place."

Much of the work has developed in response to requests from churches, and this is how the Sayers would like the work to continue. The core aim of their ministry is "to work in partnership with the local church to see families reaching their full potential in God”.

If you would like to find out more about their ministry, you can write to their office at 7 Sea Lane Close, Ferring, West Sussex BN12 5DT Tel 01903 506553 E-mail: thesayers@aol.com Web: www.pcconline.org/sayers

Jackie Stead is Features Editor at Christian Herald

© Christian Family Network
is run by CPO, supported by
Care for the Family, Marriage Resource, Positive Parenting,
Care, Women Alive, Christian Herald and many others.


		BUILDING UP THE FAMILY JACKIE STEAD meets a couple dedicated to helping local churches support and help parents reach their full potential Are we facing a crisis in parenting? That's the question I put to Neil and Joan Sayers at Family Fullness Ministries. With years of experience in children's work, they have spent the last four years concentrating on leading parenting seminars in churches. Neil explained: "It became clear to us that as we ministered to children, we had more and more parents coming to us saying: 'Can you help us?' 'Do you have material you can supply to help us with parenting issues?' so we began to introduce parenting seminars and now our work is almost exclusively with parents. "What we find is that so many of the questions and concerns revolve around quite simple and basic parenting issues, but they need reassurance. Years ago, parents had their family unit around them to give support, but a lot of that has gone and so very often they just need someone to tell them they are doing OK." Family Fullness Ministries began in 1996, when the Sayers took the decision to go into full-time ministry. As leaders of the children's ministry at New Life Church in Woking, they were increasingly asked to lead holiday clubs and youth weekends at other churches and felt God was calling them to develop the work. They are now supported as missionaries by the New Life Church, which acts as their UK base and they have a US base in Redwood City, California. (They studied at a US Bible school specialising in training people to work with children and parents). Their work now takes them to the USA (about four or five times a year) into Mexico, Africa, Eastern Europe and South Africa. Are there different problems facing parents in different countries, I wondered? "There are obviously cultural differences. Here in the West, one of the greatest issues is that parents are simply not spending enough time with their children. But, it's not just the parents who are too busy. Children too are busy with music lessons, sports lessons and so on. The result is that parents and children are spending a lot less time together than is healthy. In Eastern Europe, this is not so much a problem at the moment, though as their culture becomes more westernised, it will become a problem. "However, the basic parenting questions remain the same: discipline, behaviour problems and communication problems. It all comes back to reassurance. "We always begin our teaching seminars by stressing two things: First, there is no condemnation for anyone – there is no such thing as a perfect parent and second, no-one is claiming to be an expert. It's simply a matter of making mistakes, learning from those mistakes and then sharing the things you have learned. This is always our starting point." A unique feature of their ministry is the opportunity for one-to-one counselling in the home. Neil explained how this works: "What usually happens is that we will spend about five or six days with a church and we will do a range of ministries – some public: preaching and teaching on a Sunday; parenting seminars; training for children's workers and perhaps a one-off event for the children. Then in the evenings and afternoons we will go into homes for ministry and counselling. "Many people find it much easier to talk in the privacy of their own home than to ask questions at a public meeting. We like to spend an evening with the whole family, sharing a meal with them, and then talking and praying through the issues they raise. Sometimes it can be a very specific problem, but very often it's a basic issue and the parents just need some guidance." Since questions about discipline were among the most common questions, I wondered how they reacted to recent campaigns to encourage parents not to use physical punishment to discipline their children. "From a biblical point of view, Proverbs 23 clearly teaches that physical punishment is a God-ordained responsibility that parents have," says Neil. "However, it should always be done in a way and at a time that is appropriate, and it should always be done in love and never out of anger or on the spur of the moment. "If you look at verse 14 of Proverbs 23, it says: 'Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death'. The verse has two parts, so discipline is not just about correcting behaviour, it has a spiritual benefit as well. Too often only verse 13 and the first part of verse 14 is quoted without the second part. We would always want to emphasise the two parts of this verse. "We would also make it clear that discipline is solely a parent's responsibility – no one else has the right to do that unless a parent gives someone else, an uncle or grandparent, specific responsibility for this. "As regards the Government stepping in to legislate on this, I think it is a very thorny issue and would encourage Christian parents to express their concerns to their MP. I realise that there are people who abuse their children and that some children get hurt, but the Bible clearly teaches that parents are released to discipline their children and we need to be careful and not allow Government to impose such restrictions on us." As demand for their ministry continues to grow, the couple would like to provide more written resources and possibly a book. "We do a regular mailing and that includes a page of teaching for parents picking up on various issues,” explained Neil, "but we would like to expand this to a bi-monthly production as we are being increasingly asked to provide teaching on the latest films and crazes. "It all started with the Pokemon cards. We produced an information sheet for parents which ended up being published in a Swedish newspaper. We have since addressed the Harry Potter film and The Lord of the Rings as many people were comparing the two. "We try to keep an eye on current children's TV programmes and films, and address these issues. I think it's important for parents to realise the impact of these. They are very concerned to protect their children from physical things (ie bullying, drugs etc) but parents need to see that there is just as much danger from the things their children watch and read, which can cause great spiritual harm "Every child is born with a desire for the supernatural – that is a relationship with God – and the enemy knows this and tries to play on that. The growth in programmes dealing with the occult such as Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Charmed and many children's cartoons, particularly on Nickelodeon, are feeding a spiritual hunger. It is vital that parents introduce and direct their children towards God rather than let all these other things take hold." And it seems it's never too early to start! Recently, the couple have been asked to provide pre-marriage counselling in relation to parenting issues that are likely to arise. "We will sit down with a young couple and explain some of the issues they need to be aware of when they get to the point of thinking about children. We also encourage them to pray for their children even before conception and, once the baby is on the way, we would encourage the father to pray over the mother for the child so there is a spiritual dynamic taking place." Much of the work has developed in response to requests from churches, and this is how the Sayers would like the work to continue. The core aim of their ministry is "to work in partnership with the local church to see families reaching their full potential in God”. If you would like to find out more about their ministry, you can write to their office at 7 Sea Lane Close, Ferring, West Sussex BN12 5DT Tel 01903 506553 E-mail: thesayers@aol.com Web: www.pcconline.org/sayers Jackie Stead is Features Editor at Christian Herald © Christian Family Network is run by CPO, supported by Care for the Family, Marriage Resource, Positive Parenting, Care, Women Alive, Christian Herald and many others.