The
10 commandments of marriage - CFN Newsletter 107
CHRISTIAN FAMILY NETWORK NEWSLETTER 107
> Ten dos and don'ts for a marriage that lasts
> Special offer: 50% off football and faith booklet
> News:
> Narnia
tops childhood favourites
> Sister Wendy networks with the clubbers
> Youth outreach Down Under packs 'em out
> Sites:
> My old
house - who lives there now?
> Local food web - find the best fruit 'n veg near you
> Association of Christian Teachers - new site revamp
> Marriage
MOT: Why is it so hard to admit we need help?
> You've got to laugh: Confused by a sermon ...
> Members' Zone latest
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Hi there
So what did you think about the news that Microsoft are shutting down their chatrooms at msn.com? Many parents will be breathing a sigh of relief and waiting to see if other major ISPs follow suit.
You'll find plenty of articles on safety on the web in our Advice and Resources sections in the Members Zone (just use the site Search button), and there are links in Webwatch to plenty of helpful sites, too. Let us know your thoughts by mailing info@cfnetwork.co.uk or post them on the Bulletin Board.
If you'd like a bundle of 50 (or more) copies of Families Together to distribute to families in your area, just mail Lyn Bedford on lynbedford@christianmedia.org.uk or call her direct on 01903 602126. They're available in bulk to churches for just 50p each with FREE postage!
God bless
Russ
Bravo
Christian Family Network
info@cfnetwork.co.uk
http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk
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ADVICE
Follow the 10 commandments of marriage
- Adapted
from The 10 Commandments of Marriage: The Do’s and Don’ts
for a Lifelong Covenant (Moody Press) by Ed Young
God
designed marriage. And if you follow his plan for it, your marriage
can grow and thrive. Applying God’s biblical principles to
your marriage can help you discover his love for you and your spouse,
and give you both more love for him and each other.
Here are 10 “commandments” you can follow to have a thriving marriage:
1 Thou Shalt Not Be a Selfish Pig
Consider the needs of your spouse before your own. Seek out ways to give to
your spouse. Be patient with your spouse and understand that neither of you
is perfect. Gently and kindly respond to irritation. Be honest and vulnerable
with your own thoughts and feelings, and make time to genuinely listen to your
spouse to try to understand his or her thoughts and feelings. Ask your spouse: “What
says ‘I love you’ to you?” and act on that information. Discuss
your individual priorities in areas such as work, children, friends, church,
money, and holidays, then work out the differences so you can work together
toward the same goals.
Commit yourself to act in loving ways toward your spouse, even if you don’t
currently feel the emotion of being in love, and watch as love rekindles after
you act in love. Keep ‘dating’ each other.
2 Thou Shalt Cut the Apron Strings
Let your spouse take your mother’s or father’s place as the pre-eminent
person in your life. Decide to create your own new family without undue influence
from your family of origin.
Try to work out conflicts with your spouse just between the two of you, and
if you need to seek outside counsel, don’t turn to each other’s parents
first. Don’t accept financial gifts from your parents or in-laws. Leave
your past in the past by refusing to think or talk about old boyfriends or
girlfriends, dwell on mistakes that God has forgiven, or frequently discuss
special events or experiences that occurred before you met your spouse.
Build a "one flesh" connection with your spouse that makes you together
in your hearts, even when you are physically apart.
3 Thou Shalt Continually Communicate
Make regular discussions about things that matter to each of you a habit and
top priority. Don’t let busy schedules, children, television, or fear
of conflict keep you from communicating. Regularly speak affirming words to
each other, and use positive tones of voice, facial expressions, and body language.
Be direct; tell your spouse exactly what you want to say instead of merely
hinting at it. But always remember to be tactful while speaking forthrightly.
Consider how your spouse is best wired to give and receive messages: is he
or she an ‘auditory’, ‘visual’, or ‘feelings’ person?
4 Thou Shalt Make Conflict Thy Ally
Know that it’s normal for married couples to have conflict, and that every
married couple can expect to encounter it. Understand that when conflict is
handled poorly, it can damage your marriage, but when it’s handled wisely,
it can actually lead to greater intimacy.
Use your anger constructively instead of destructively. Focus on the problem
rather than the person. Stick to the facts, and don’t set out to deliberately
hurt your spouse. Don’t discuss your private conflicts in front of others,
such as family members, friends, or business associates. Don’t make threats
during an argument.
Don’t let small conflicts fester and eventually become big ones. Don’t
make generalizations. Don’t withhold sex to punish your spouse, or use
it as a reward to manipulate him or her. Pray about your conflicts and listen
for God’s responses. Seek to clearly understand both yourself and your
spouse. Confess your sins. Forgive your spouse and accept his or her forgiveness.
5 Thou Shalt Avoid the Quicksand of Debt
Stick to the “10-70-20 budget”. Start by subtracting your tithe and
taxes from your gross monthly income. Then take 10 percent of what is left
and save or invest it. Use 70 percent of the remaining amount for your monthly
expenses. Then apply the remaining 20 percent to debt reduction. Overcome greed
by learning to admire things without desiring them, regularly giving things
away, giving generously toward advancing God’s kingdom, and reminding
yourself that you can’t take anything with you when you die.
- For the final five 'commandments' for an enduring marriage, head for our Advice section at http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/advice.asp
> 50%
off Road to Glory for CFN
This high-colour, 36-page, glossy book contains the 2003-2004
Barclaycard Premiership fixtures arranged on a club by club basis,
with interviews with Christian Premiership players (Richard Rufus
of Charlton Athletic and Shola Ameobi of Newcastle United), two articles
(by Damaris writers) that relate the world of football to the world
of faith in a thoughtful and
non-threatening way, and 20 teasing football trivia questions.
The perfect gift for any Premiership football fan. Buy lots and give them to
your friends!
Damaris are pleased to provide CFN readers with 50% off Road to Glory until
30 September 2003 (usual price £1.50, now only 75p).
To take advantage of this great offer simply:
1 Go to www.damaris.org and register to
get a username and password, if you don't already have one
2 Go to the Damaris online store at www.damaris.org/shop navigate
to 'books'
3 Click on 'view products' and choose the quantity of Road to Glory you require
4 Click 'buy now', keep following the instructions until you reach the checkout
5 Proceed to the checkout and when it asks if you have a voucher for money
off items, please enter: CFN. This will deduct 50% off Road to Glory and is
valid until 30 September 2003
> THIS WEEK'S NEWS
Narnia
tops childhood favourites
The Lion, the Witch and The Wardrobe by CS Lewis has topped a BBC
Parenting survey of favourite books from childhood that parents most
wanted to share with their children.
Go to http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/news.asp for the full story
Sister
Wendy networks with the clubbers
Wendy Sanderson is not your typical clubber. Her title - Sister Wendy - gives
it away. But she isn't a nun, either.
Go to http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/resources.asp for the full story
Youth
outreach Down Under packs 'em out
An evangelistic youth meeting in Australia proved so popular that many Christians
left to make room for un-churched teens.
Go to http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/news.asp for the full story
> MARRIAGE
MOT
> Check
out our archived marriage tips in the Members'
Zone, plus stacks more marriage resources at http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk
Why
is it so hard for us to admit we need help?
Why do we find it so hard to admit we need help and to actually ask for it?
Experts agree that the sooner we seek help in our marriage, the better the
outcome, yet most GPs report that, by the time married people come to them
for help, the problems are already so serious that their health is affected.
When my third child was born I really struggled. I was vaguely aware of being
very unhappy and slipping down a slippery slope towards some sort of emotional
precipice. I was too proud and too afraid of being thought a failure or inadequate
as a mother to tell anyone what was going on inside. My husband sensed something
was wrong, but I shut him out.
One morning a friend turned up on my doorstep, gently determined to find out
what was wrong. She caught me with all my defences down. I felt cornered, exposed,
vulnerable, angry and afraid, but she gently reassured me and helped me to
get the advice and support I needed and now I can look back on her arrival
with gratitude.
It takes courage to admit we are not coping, to admit things are not going
well, and to seek help. It's so much easier to brush things under the carpet
and hope things will "sort themselves out". Fear may also hold us
back. If abuse is occurring in your marriage, you must seek help at once. Social
Services and the police are equipped to help in such cases.
If things are simply not going well in your marriage, have you tried talking
to your wife/husband about it? If you can't do this, seek out a trusted friend,
visit your GP, or contact some local counselling services (some are listed
on this site, or you could try your local Citizen's Advice Bureau, surgery
or church).
If necessary you can go on your own, at least at first. There may be changes
you can make in yourself that will change the situation and help your partner
open up and work things through with you.
Remember, most of us walk around looking as if we've got our lives under control
and sorted out, but often it's just a front. The brave ones are the ones who
admit they haven't and do something about it!
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> EVENTS
Catch up with the latest in our Events guide at http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/resources.asp
Send
your family/church event to info@cfnetwork.co.uk for
a free listing.
Small groups, growing churches 2004
Almost 1,000 small group leaders enjoyed a day's teaching, inspiration and encouragement as part of the 2003 Small groups, growing churches tour organised in March by Christian Herald, Scripture Union and CPO.
Now plans are almost complete for 2004, with three dates planned for March, and three for October.
If
you would like to be kept up to date with information about Small
groups, growing churches 2004, mail Lyn Bedford on lynbedford@christianmedia.org.uk or
call her on 01903 602126.
> SITES WORTH SEEING
Ever despaired of finding good local food and drink outlets that aren't just supermarket chains? Try www.localfoodweb.co.uk - it aims to build a comprehensive directory of local food and drink outlets across the country, from delis and farm shops to mail order companies and vineyards. It's a free resource that's allowing people to find good quality, often organic, food at a local level - and helping farmers and other small businesses to reach out to the communities around them.
The Association of Christian Teachers website has had a complete overhaul with stacks of free learning resources, prayers for the day, the chance to download the latest copy of the ACT magazine and much more. Estimates are there are 40-50,000 Christian teachers in the UK - help support them at www.christian-teachers.org.uk
> YOU'VE GOT TO LAUGH ...
On the
way home from church, a little girl turned to her mother and said: "Mummy,
the vicar's talk this morning confused me."
The mother said: "Oh? Why is that?"
"Well, he said that God is bigger than we are. Is that true?"
"Yes, that's true."
"He also said that God lives within us. Is that true, too?"
"Yes, that's right."
"Well," said the girl. "If God is bigger than us and he lives
in us, wouldn't he show through?"
> CHRISTIAN
FAMILY NETWORK THIS WEEK
(MEMBERS' ZONE) - http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/default.asp
> Advice
> Ten
commandments towards a lasting marriage
> Eric Spellman on copyright and the web
> Kate's marriage tips - why do we find it hard to admit we need help?
> Resources
> Scientists
announce shock breakthrough!
> Moments with Mum - columnist Elisabeth Corcoran
> New book poses adoption challenge for Church
> News
> Narnia tops childhood favourites
> Sister Wendy networks with the clubbers
> Youth outreach Down Under packs 'em out
> Top
sites this week
> My
old house - who lives there now?
> Local food web - find the best fruit 'n veg near you
> Association of Christian Teachers - new site revamp
> Communique - Christian arts journal
> Content Barrier - accountability software and web safety programs
> Events: More of what's on near you
> Webwatch Index: more than 600 sites at your fingertips
> Site Search Engine: the easy way to trawl our 1,000-page plus archives
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