Grumpy? Irritable? Are you letting down your teenager? - CFN Newsletter 111

CHRISTIAN FAMILY NETWORK NEWSLETTER 111

> Roy McCloughry says parent-teenager relationships need a fresh honesty - especially in churches
> News:
> Christian-run toy chain opens 35th store
> Say thanks to your minister!
> Praise for stand against child sex selection
> TV: BBC seeks contestants for new shows
> Sites:
> Journey of Joy - for women
> God knows - for teenagers
> All About for Families - for ... families (!)
> Marriage MOT: Remembering
> You've got to laugh: The school photograph
> Members' Zone latest

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Hi there

There's stacks of encouragement in this week's issue - from help on relationships: with our children and with our partners; warnings about slot machine Christianity; entertainment and tips on using your PC, as well as some great websites to visit and the latest news.

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Christian Family Network
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ADVICE

Wanted: church for ‘real’ parents

• Grumpy, moody, monosyllabic teenagers? Perfect, upright parents? It’s time the Church stopped stereotyping and gave people permission to be themselves says ROY McCLOUGHRY
  

When I was a teenager, many moons ago, Christians didn’t seem to admit that they had problems. It was assumed that if you were a Christian then things had changed in your life so radically that life was a bundle of joy.

I read biographies of the twentieth century saints which seemed to show that this was true. Turn to ‘problems’ in the index and there was nothing. Everything worked out OK in the end. If that was the case, I used to think, I was definitely going to hell, which probably let me off going to church twice on Sunday.

Now we live in a society where confession is the norm. Baring your soul means sharing something negative and we admit that relationships go wrong. Maybe Freud wouldn’t have been so convinced that ‘letting it out’ was better than ‘bottling it up’ if he had had to sit through an episode of Jerry Springer.

One of the most fraught relationships in our society is that between parent and teenager. This is often a traumatic time when teenagers are growing up and parents are spreading out. Each faces their own problems. Both, however, are trying to avoid being stereotyped by our society. Parents in the church have the worst of it. Have I mentioned in this column before my dislike of books about perfect parenting? Forgive me if I have. The phrase I prefer (not my own) is ‘good enough parenting’. I can live with that.

So it comes as no surprise to me to see that a new survey on parent/teenager relationships has focused on moodiness. Parental moodiness. It seems that the slammed doors, the grunted answers and the dark clouds hanging over family members belong to the parents and not to the teenagers. Some 40% of the 16,000 teenagers surveyed said that the worst thing about parents was their moods. Apparently our best attributes are love and humour (closely followed by money). It explains a lot to know that money is meant to be a parental attribute.

Yet over 50% of teenagers think that they get a bad press. This rises to 66% in the north-east of England. One of the most tragic signs that some parents are out of touch is that only 21% of teenagers said that they would talk to their parents about sex, while 37% thought that that their teenagers would talk to them about sex. There didn’t seem to be a category for people like me who would like to talk to their teenagers about sex. I would definitely learn something. Similarly only 8% of teenagers said they could talk to their parents about depression, yet 33% of the parents were concerned about it.

Such surveys show that we have a tendency to stereotype our teenagers. I think we still do it in the Church to some extent. Having learned about our post-modern culture in which all is up in the air and you can believe anything you want, it is a sobering fact that one-third of the teenagers surveyed thought that death was their greatest worry. Perhaps we judge real teenagers by the media images portrayed of who they are meant to be.

• For ways to challenge the stereotypes, head for the rest of this article in our Advice section at http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/advice.asp

> THIS WEEK'S NEWS

Christian owned toy chain opens 35th store

The UK’s largest independent toy shop chain - The Entertainer - founded by Christian entrepreneur Gary Grant and his wife Catherine in 1981, has now opened its 35th store. And it's sticking to its Christian principles.

Go to http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/news.asp for the full story

Say thanks to your minister!

Care for the Family and Premier Christian Radio are working together on the fourth annual Thank You! Clergy Appreciation Week, running from Sunday (23 November) to 30 November.

Go to http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/resources.asp for the full story

Praise for stand against choosing your child's gender

LIFE has praised the HFEA’s decision to refuse parents the right to choose the sex of their child for social reasons.

Go to http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/news.asp for the full story

> MARRIAGE MOT

> Check out our archived marriage tips in the Members' Zone, plus stacks more marriage resources at http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk

Remembrance Sunday

It's no more than 50 years, since many men and women gave their lives to protect the shores of Britain from invasion and tyranny. In our individualistic society, such sacrifice may seem remote and even strange. As we celebrate Remembrance Day, "Lest we forget", what are the challenges to married couples?

I'm grateful to those men and women who fought for the freedom I enjoy. I am thankful not to be facing my loved ones going to war, though there are still some in the Armed Services who do.

There are other dangers, road accidents, illness, terrorist threats. Each day together is precious. I'm also reminded that we are a couple in a community, and in a nation. We are not an island and there is life outside our relationship.

The things that go on in that society will affect us, but we can also make a difference in society. We can guide our children and be there for others around us. Our commitment to each other can bring others hope.

Within my marriage, I want to live each day to the full - no-one really knows what tomorrow will bring. I wonder if you see your marriage in that light, or does your spouse come low down on your priority list? What can you do today to ensure that your loved one knows?
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> EVENTS

> YOU'VE GOT TO LAUGH ...

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture: "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say: 'There's Jennifer - she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael - he's a doctor.'"

A small voice at the back of the room rang out:"And there's the teacher - she's dead."

> CHRISTIAN FAMILY NETWORK THIS WEEK
(MEMBERS' ZONE) - http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/default.asp

> Advice

> Roy McCloughry says churches need to take a fresh look at how they support parents and their teenagers
> Max Lucado on the computerisation of Christianity
> Margaret Storey wonders if recipes for a happy marriage always have their ingredients right
> Eric Spellman on the mysteries of your PC's System Tray
> Kate's marriage tips - Remembering

> Resources

> Bruce Cameron is unwell - but try convincing his doctor ...
> Moments with Mum - with columnist Elisabeth Corcoran

> News

> Christian-run toy chain opens 35th store
> Say thanks to your minister!
> Praise for stand against child sex selection

> Top sites this week

> This week's bumper pick includes sites for women, teenagers, families, Matrix fans, Sixties and Seventies music lovers, short story enthusiasts and more

> Events: More of what's on near you

> Webwatch Index: more than 600 sites at your fingertips

> Site Search Engine: the easy way to trawl our 1,000-page plus archives

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