Growing pains - why's it so hard to grow up? - CFN Newsletter Week 116

CHRISTIAN FAMILY NETWORK NEWSLETTER 116

> Growing Pains - Jason Gardner from LICC on the struggle that is the transition between childhood and adulthood
> News:
> Christians called to provide sex education for young people
> Teachers' spiritual life a workload casualty
> New cannabis law 'discriminates against children'
> Sites:
> Classic sermon index
> Getting God to work
> Legal advice from the Citizens' Advice Bureau
> Marriage MOT: Are you jealous?
> You've got to laugh: A pirate's tale
> Members' Zone latest

OUR SPONSORS FOR THIS WEEK

Want to write well?
Calling Christian workers, church ministers, youth workers, and would-be writers.
Lakes Writing Course (17th -19th May) - Learn how to submit your work, how to avoid common pitfalls and how to get that book published. Expert advice, practical exercises and group discussion in interactive workshops designed to develop your skills and creativity.
Mail charlotte.hubback@authenticmedia.co.uk or ring 01228 554336.

Find out how you can reach thousands via this newsletter for just £25 - mail SteveRogers@christianmedia.org.uk

Dear All

Lots of food for thought in this newsletter and site update - do keep us up to speed with your concerns as parents and families, and let us know what hits the spot in our content.

God bless

Russ Bravo
Christian Family Network
info@cfnetwork.co.uk
http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk

PS Christian Family Network is here to direct you to the best in parenting, marriage and family resources; to link you up with other Christian families up and down the UK; and to help you make the most of life as a follower of Christ - at home, at work, at school and college, at play and online.

Your feedback, positive and negative, enables us to develop CFN in the way that is most useful for you - so please tell us if we're off the rails or on the button!

And don't forget - if we can pass on material (sample copies of Families Together, leaflets) which will help you tell your friends and your church about CFN, just mail Lyn Bedford at marketing@christianmedia.org.uk and she'll be glad to help you out.

RESOURCES

Growing pains

• Jason Gardner from the London Institute for Contemporary Christianity asks what it means to grow up at a time when the boundaries between childhood and adulthood seem increasingly blurred
  

"Adolescence is like a tightrope walk from the secure, safe platform of childhood to adulthood. Suddenly the world becomes a difficult and dangerous balancing act – which the whole world seems to be watching." Hazel, 16

A recent foray by The Times into the world of teenagers provided much food for thought, plus a handy arsenal of quotes (like the one above) which will please analysts of youth culture no end. Penny Wark’s report – In Our Own Words: What it’s like to be a teenager (13/10/03) – revealed, in a series of interviews, what teenagers think about sex, drugs, rock’n’roll and, most importantly, growing up.

When Hazel said that ‘the whole word seems to be watching’, she can’t have known how prophetic her words would seem. In the week the report was published, Channel 4 aired Teen Big Brother – a supposedly ‘educational’ experiment in which eight 18-year-olds shared the Big Brother house for 10 days.

The teenage BB community made instant judgements about fellow contestants, accompanied by much backbiting; they also began expressing how the experience was making them two-faced, and displaying angst when nominating others for eviction – which echoed the ‘adult’ Big Brother series to the letter.

When a heavy media focus on teen life combines with our adult obsession for either living or looking ‘young’, it’s little wonder that many young people feel confused and pressured over issues of image and identity during adolescence. It’s also no surprise that many feel confused over what it means to be an adult.

If, for example, there was little difference between the way adult contestants of Big Brother and the teens behaved, should we conclude that teenagers have already reached the level of maturity our society expects of them? Or, perhaps more importantly, the level of maturity that TV and the media requires of them?

How does one, exactly, ‘grow up’? As one Times teen put it, achieving adulthood is an unappealing proposition: "Growing up – what a tedious task. Caught between wanting more freedom, more trust and responsibility, yet at the same time afraid of that responsibility and all it and growing up entails, although few will admit it," said Georgina, 16, of Stowmarket.

Do we have a clear notion of what it means to be an adult within our society? What does ‘growing up’ accomplish, and do we understand what it means to be an adult in the church?

Teenagers and children do take their cue from ‘grown up’ role models – it’s we who establish what it means to be adult. But if that’s the case, in church, for example, why do we primarily choose to employ young, mainly charismatic individuals as youth workers?

Ecclesiastical issues aside, there are many reasons why the idea of ‘adulthood’ has been eroded over the last century. Once, the move from childhood to adulthood was relatively easily marked. As the psychologist Christine Griffin suggests in Representations of Youth (Polity Press, 1993): "in pre-industrial European societies there was no clear distinction between childhood and other pre-adult phases of life. The main stages of childhood, youth and adulthood were defined primarily in relation to one’s degree of dependence or separation from the family of origin."

Adulthood came with economic ‘emancipation’ – the ability to support yourself (or contribute to the support of the family) through work or by getting married during your early teen years. Then, in the early 20th century, came the concept of ‘adolescence’ (from the French, meaning ‘to grow up’), when a limbo period of identity struggle became the norm for ‘teenagers’ everywhere.

• To read the rest of this article, go to our Resources section at http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/resources.asp

> THIS WEEK'S NEWS

> Christians called to provide sex education for young people

In the week that a grandmother gave birth to her twin grandchildren, Oasis Esteem - the sexual health and relationships education programme run by Oasis Trust - has called on churches to provide young people with "life-changing" sex and relationships education in their local schools.

Go to http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/news.asp for the full story

> Teachers' spiritual life a workload casualty

A teacher's spiritual life is often the "first casualty" of a heavy workload - according to Rupert Kaye, chief executive of the Association of Christian Teachers.

Go to http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/resources.asp for the full story

> New cannabis law 'discriminates against children'

The Children's Society claims that children and young people will be unfairly treated under the Government's new cannabis reforms, where under 18s found in possession of cannabis will be arrested, while adults committing the same offence will not.

Go to http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/news.asp for the full story

> MARRIAGE MOT

> Check out our archived marriage tips in the Members' Zone, plus stacks more marriage resources at http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk

Jealousy?

Are you jealous of some relationship your spouse has with someone else? Perhaps you resent the closeness between your wife and a girlfriend or parent, or you don’t like your husband going out with lads and you think he puts them before you.

These things may seem small but they can grow and disturb your relationship, especially if they are buried and not spoken of. But how do you bring the conversation round to such a difficult topic? Perhaps you think you shouldn’t feel that way or that your partner will be hurt or angry with you?

How would you like them to broach the subject if you were behaving that way? With gentleness and tact? This is where talking about your own feelings and thoughts rather than accusing your spouse of things will help. "When you go out without me, I feel lonely. I do enjoy having you around. I know you like to go out with the boys, but perhaps you could make it o nce a fortnight and I’ll get a babysitter in so we can go out together alternate weeks."

"I know your Mum is very important to you, and I really appreciate her too, but sometimes I wish I was the one you turned to more often. Sometimes I feel quite hurt. I want to be the one to support you when you have concerns. Perhaps we can stay home this weekend instead of going over there and do something special. What would you like to do together?"

Facing up to issues between us involves courage and taking a risk, but ignoring a problem rarely means it will go away.

.......................................................................
Please rate this Ezine at the Cumuli Ezine Finder
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/ra20836.rate
.......................................................................

> EVENTS

• how to be a better group leader
• using the Bible creatively
• refreshing prayer and worship in your group
• your group can grow!

> YOU'VE GOT TO LAUGH ...

In a restaurant one day, a pirate was talking to the waiter.  The waiter asked him: "Why do you have a peg leg?"

The pirate answered: "Back when I was sailing the seas, a big shark noticed me swimming one day and bit off me leg."

"Well, then how did you get the hook?" the waiter asked, pointing to the place where the pirate's left hand used to be.

The pirate responded: "Well, me crew and myself were engaged in a rough battle one day and me hand was cut off by a slimy coward's sword."

The waiter looked at the hook for a moment. "Well now I have to ask how you got the eye patch."

The pirate snarled: "I looked at a gull flying overhead in the harbour one day and it took a dump right in me eye."
The waiter was puzzled by this last explanation. "How would that make you get an eye patch?"

The pirate answered: "First day with me hook." 

> CHRISTIAN FAMILY NETWORK THIS WEEK
(MEMBERS' ZONE) - http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/default.asp

> Advice

> Eric Spellmann on Christian resources online
> Kate's Marriage advice - Are you jealous?

> Resources

> Jason Gardner takes a look at growing up
> Hilary McDowell asks: are we abandoning our elderly people?
> Lawyers - the things they say in court
> Food for thought ... anyway

> News

> Christians called to provide sex education for young people
> Teachers' spiritual life a workload casualty
> New cannabis law 'discriminates against children'

> News extra

> Uni Christian Union in battle with Students Union

> Top sites this week

> Classic sermon index
> Getting God to work
> Legal advice from the Citizens' Advice Bureau

> Events: Care for the Family tours and day events in 2004 plus more of what's on near you

> Webwatch Index: more than 600 sites at your fingertips

> Site Search Engine: the easy way to trawl our 1,000-page plus archives

Christian Family Network, Christian Media Centre, Garcia Estate, Canterbury Road, Worthing, West Sussex BN13 1EH, UK (01903 821082; subscriptions 01903 602136)

HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE FROM THIS NEWSLETTER

Just send an e-mail to leave-cfn-newsletter@cfnetwork.co.uk

© Christian Family Network
is run by CPO, supported by
Care for the Family, Marriage Resource, Positive Parenting,
Care, Women Alive, Christian Herald and many others.