Is there anything I could do better? - CFN Newsletter Week 133

CHRISTIAN FAMILY NETWORK NEWSLETTER 133

> Dan Seaborn asks his wife a key question - and then has to handle the answer ...
> News:
> Horror of child soldiers highlighted by Archbishop
> Mothers Union launches relationships skills initiative
> Church Army evangelist leads Babyloss remembrance service
> Sites:
> Being salt in society
> Radical, no-holds barred Christian living for teenagers
> Help for using techology in church worship
> Good advice for family relationships
> Marriage MOT: Every marriage has witnesses
> You've got to laugh: Qualifications for heaven
> Members' Zone latest

> OUR SPONSORS FOR THIS WEEK

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> FROM THE EDITOR

Greetings from the south coast!

Lots to encourage, bless, challenge and amuse you in this update - stay tuned for exciting news about our Winter edition of Families Together in our next update just before half-term.

God bless
Russ Bravo
Christian Family Network
info@cfnetwork.co.uk
http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk

PS Christian Family Network is here to direct you to the best in parenting, marriage and family resources; to link you up with other Christian families up and down the UK; and to help you make the most of life as a follower of Christ - at home, at work, at school and college, at play and online.

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And don't forget - if we can pass on material (sample copies of Families Together, leaflets) which will help you tell your friends and your church about CFN, just mail Lyn Bedford at marketing@christianmedia.org.uk and she'll be glad to help you out.

ADVICE

When a husband was left quaking ...

• Dan Seaborn asks his wife an innocent question - and has to deal with the answer
  

It was a question I didn't really want to ask my wife. Before the words even left my lips, I was pretty sure that I didn't want to hear her response. But I was curious - too curious -and so the question somehow emerged during a weak moment while the two of us were out to dinner.

I looked at Jane from across the table and, with a shockingly composed tone of voice, I asked: "Is there anything I could do to be a better husband?" There, I was at her mercy.

My wife became quiet. Her eyes turned reflective, but she didn't respond immediately. I waited. After only a short while, I began to wonder if she was replaying 20 years of Horrible Husband moments on her mind's video screen. In reality my wait was fairly brief, but it felt eternal. I sat in my seat, nervously watching the expressions on Jane's face. I felt like a prisoner waiting to be sentenced - the only sensation I felt was coming from my stomach, which had twisted itself into one huge, insecure knot.

In the end, my wife cleared her throat and gave a relatively simple response. "Just cherish me more," she said.

Well. That wasn't bad at all. I had been preparing myself for much worse. In fact, I started feeling pretty good about myself, so I probed further.

"Jane," I said. "What do you mean? I do cherish you! I love you!"

She smiled. I smiled. Then I took things too far. "Give me a specific way I can cherish you more," I said.

That opened the floodgates. It took no time at all for her to come up with a list of not one but three-three big ones. "Affirm my opinions," she told me. "Don't get so upset easily," she said. "Be kind and considerate to me."

I could have used some sort of buffer with that response.

None of us likes hearing that our behaviour in a relationship is lacking. It's not fun to be told when we don't measure up. For most people, this sort of thing ranks among brussels sprouts, public speaking, and chicken pox. Our gut reaction is to tense up, retaliate, even the score.

If we can learn to navigate around these impulses, however, we'll often find that our loved ones have profound insight to offer us. Their perceptions into our lives tend to be more realistic than our own - normally they can see things that we can't even begin to see our selves.They'realsoalittlelessbiased,alittle more honest.

• For the rest of this article, head for our Advice section at www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/advice.asp

> THIS WEEK'S NEWS

> Horror of child soldiers highlighted by Archbishop

The Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams, has called for urgent and concerted international action to end the abuse of children as military combatants.

Go to http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/news.asp for the full story

> MU launches new initiative to teach relationship skills

A groundbreaking initiative that will help to fill a growing gap in our culture and equip people with many of the essential skills necessary to establish and sustain close relationships is to be launched nationwide by the Mothers' Union.

Go to http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/resources.asp for the full story

> Church Army evangelist to lead National Babyloss awareness week act of remembrance

Nikki Foster-Kruczek (Church Army Evangelist and Mission and Ministry Development Officer for the Walbrook Epiphany Team, Derby) is to lead the annual act of remembrance in London that marks the end of Babyloss Awareness Week (October 9-16).

Go to http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/news.asp for the full story

> MARRIAGE MOT

Every marriage has witnesses

Every time a couple marry in this country, there are at least two witnesses to the action. While these may seem to be simply required for legal reasons, they have a much greater significance.

Marriage is something which involves our deepest feelings and beliefs. We are at our most vulnerable when we open ourselves up to another in marriage, and unless we choose to be that vulnerable, our relationship will be confined to a superficial level and we will miss many of the blessings that marriage can bring.

This means that many of us are unwilling to allow that vulnerability to be seen by anyone else. We see our marriage relationship as something distinctly private – no-one’s business but our own. In fact, marriage is meant to be much more than a private arrangement. A couple’s privacy is important but their relationship is also part of the society and world that we live in. The presence of witnesses, friends and family at our wedding reminds us that what we do that day affects the communities in which we live. We are in some way accountable to them for how we live and love.

Who are the real witnesses in your marriage? Is their someone who will challenge you about how you are loving and caring for each other? Is there someone who will share your joys and trials and encourage you?

> Check out our archived marriage tips in the Members' Zone, plus stacks more marriage resources at http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk

> EVENTS

> YOU'VE GOT TO LAUGH ...

"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday School class.

"NO!" the children all answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"

Again, the answer was, "NO!"

"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave cndy to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked them again.

Again, they all answered, "NO!"

"Well," I continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"

A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!"

www.mikeysfunnies.com

> CHRISTIAN FAMILY NETWORK THIS WEEK
(MEMBERS' ZONE) - http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/default.asp

> Advice

> Is there anything I could do better? A dangerous question to ask your spouse ...
> Eric Spellmann on the best options for website building tools
> Kate's Marriage advice - Every marriage has witnesses

> Resources

> Time for a laugh
> When life gets tough ... choose your path
> Internet safety - time for a superhero!

> News

> Horror of child soldiers highlighted by Archbishop
> Mothers Union launches relationships skills initiative
> Church Army evangelist leads Babyloss remembrance service
> News extra: MPs voice euthanasia concerns

> Sites:

> Being salt in society
> Radical, no-holds barred Christian living for teenagers
> Help for using techology in church worship
> Good advice for family relationships

> Events: What's on near you

> Webwatch index: more than 700 sites categorised at your fingertips

> Site Search Engine: the easy way to trawl our 1,000-page plus archives

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