How to help if your man's depressed - CFN Newsletter Week 135

CHRISTIAN FAMILY NETWORK NEWSLETTER 135

> How to help if your man's depressed
> News:
> UK believers see 'morning after' pill as form of abortion
> Fears over new smacking laws
> Reality events success in Northern Ireland
> Sites:
> Marriage support sites
> Outreach to online gamers
> Planned Acts of Christian Kindness!
> Marriage MOT: Will you protect them?
> You've got to laugh: Real life ads ...
> Members' Zone latest

> OUR SPONSORS FOR THIS WEEK

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> FROM THE EDITOR

Hi there

Sometimes the dreary winter weather makes us feel depressed - and it's men as well as women who suffer. So this week, we're taking a look at how to help your man when he's really down.

Among our regulars, Elisabeth Corcoran looks at the value of friends, Eric Spellmann demythologises PC networks and there's stacks of news, events, sites and humour to keep you amused.

In our next update we'll have a full breakdown of our bumper 36-page Winter issue of Families Together magazine!

Take care

Russ Bravo
Christian Family Network
info@cfnetwork.co.uk
http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk

PS Christian Family Network is here to direct you to the best in parenting, marriage and family resources; to link you up with other Christian families up and down the UK; and to help you make the most of life as a follower of Christ - at home, at work, at school and college, at play and online.

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And don't forget - if we can pass on material (sample copies of Families Together, leaflets) which will help you tell your friends and your church about CFN, just mail Lyn Bedford at marketing@christianmedia.org.uk and she'll be glad to help you out.

ADVICE

Help your husband overcome depression

·  Whitney Hopler offers some practical advice

Does your husband seem distant or irritable? Is he working too hard or drinking too much? If so, he may be suffering from depression. But most men feel uncomfortable about sharing their inner pain, and many don't know how to put their feelings into words. Men are also more socially isolated than most women.

With your help your husband could overcome depression and gain a healthy life. Here's how you can understand his depression and encourage him to find healing:

• Recognise the symptoms. Look for these signs: irritability, hostility,  aggressiveness, low impulse control, anger when hurt, tendency to blame others, unforgiving, a need to maintain control, a fear of confronting perceived weakness, a higher willingness to take risks, behaviour on the verge of social or legal standards, substance abuse/addiction, other types of addiction (to work, television, sex, sports, gambling, etc) shame about feeling down, withdrawal into silence, fatigue, and general dissatisfaction with himself and his behaviour.

• Commit to helping him in a healthy way. Remember that it's not your job to rescue your husband - only God can do that. However, you can encourage and support him along the path toward healing. Don't challenge him or shame him about his depression. Instead, let him know lovingly that you know something is wrong and that you genuinely want to help him find solutions to his problems. Make sure your husband understands that you're his ally. Assure him that you won't violate his boundaries while you try to help out. If he becomes defensive, consistently and calmly remind him that the problem won't just go away and needs to be confronted. Help him recognise his own hurt and motivate him to do something about it.

• Encourage your husband to be courageous about facing his depression head-on. Talk in ways designed to help him listen to you effectively by following the "Seven Cs Plan":

• Calm (don't shout, shame, or lecture. Be calm when you speak)
• Clarity (think carefully before you speak, so you can clearly present your ideas)
• Conciseness (give him the facts in a succinct manner)
• Conviction (show that you are confident that he can overcome depression)
• Consistency (give the same message on a regular basis) C
• Conciliation (assure your husband that you're working for healing, not destruction)
• Consequences (insist on a consequence in your relationship - including a temporary separation in extreme cases, if he refuses to listen).

• Work with him to discover the reasons behind his depression. Consider such issues as unresolved wounds from his childhood, social isolation, the loss of a dream, or overwhelming stress. Help your husband separate dysfunctional thinking from clear, biblical thinking. Encourage him to look at things from God's perspective, trusting that he can emerge a stronger person from any type of trial or tragedy. Help him find the words to describe his pain. Watch for opportunities to discuss his feelings on a regular basis. Urge him to pursue professional counselling to work through issues that are troubling him

• Offer him hope. Help your husband visualise new dreams for his life and pursue them (such as taking courses to advance his career, joining a gym, creating new friendships, or becoming more active in church).

• Keep work from overtaking his life. Know that exhaustion can lead to depression. Help your husband achieve a healthy balance in his life, with enough time for sleep, exercise and building relationships (with God, family and friends). Ask him to list activities that bring him joy, then work out how much time he is currently devoting to them. If he's not allowing enough time to pursue these things, encourage him to make time for them. Urge your husband to consider his God-given talents and make sure he's using them to fulfil his calling. Encourage him to follow his heart as the Spirit leads rather than work outside his calling just for money's sake. Brainstorm creative ways of making the transition from his current work to work he would rather be doing.

• For the rest of this article, head for our Advice section at www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/advice.asp

> THIS WEEK'S NEWS

> UK believers see 'morning after' pill as form of abortion

A survey of more than 1,000 UK Christians has revealed that the majority are opposed to the rise of the so-called morning after pill.

Go to http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/news.asp for the full story

> Fears over new smacking laws

Christian charity CARE has expressed concern about the ramifications of new legislation on smacking.

Go to http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/resources.asp for the full story

> 'Reality' hailed a success in Northern Ireland

Some 1,600 women from across Northern Ireland were inspired to 'help the hurting' at Reality, a series of four events organised across the province by national charity Care for the Family.

Go to http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/news.asp for the full story

> MARRIAGE MOT

Will you protect them?

This is perhaps an unusual idea to many married couples today – that they have commit to protecting each other. When do you need the protection of your loved one? When life is hard and you are feeling very vulnerable? Perhaps when you are tempted to head off in the wrong direction? Or does that sound like interference – some of us like to be in control of our own lives and may baulk at the idea of being protected by their wife or husband. Does protection sound like something that only happens to weak people?

I think as we get to know each other and our weaknesses and self-doubts, we become more aware of how valuable it is to have someone willing to protect us and watch over us, like the knights of old, who looked out for each other.

Perhaps I’m too romantic, but I am thankful my husband wants to protect me and I don’t want to see anyone or anything harm him. How about you?

> Check out our archived marriage tips in the Members' Zone, plus stacks more marriage resources at http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk

> EVENTS

> YOU'VE GOT TO LAUGH ...

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Christmas tag-sale: Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

• For more go to http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/resources.asp

> CHRISTIAN FAMILY NETWORK THIS WEEK
(MEMBERS' ZONE) - http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/default.asp

> Advice

> How to help if your man's depressed
> Kate's Marriage advice - Will you protect them?
>Eric Spellmann on understanding PC networks

> Resources

> Information please ...
> How pro-life are the Republicans?
> Elisabeth Corcoran on the value of friends ...
> Real life ads, part 2 ... ?
> New events worth noting

> News

> UK believers see 'morning after' pill as form of abortion
> Fears over new smacking laws
> Reality events success in Northern Ireland


> Sites:

> Marriage support sites
> Outreach to online gamers
> Planned Acts of Christian Kindness!

> Events: What's on near you

> Webwatch index: more than 700 sites categorised at your fingertips

> Site Search Engine: the easy way to trawl our 1,000-page plus archives

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