Terrorism trauma - helping your kids cope - CFN Newsletter Week 151

CHRISTIAN FAMILY NETWORK NEWSLETTER 151

> Sound advice on helping your children cope following the London terror attacks
> News:
> Schools are teaching 'sex lies'
> Service for stabbed teenager promotes peace
> Christian domestic abuse prolific
> Sites:
> Online and digital Christian radio: UCB, Premier, CrossRhythms, TWR, Revival, Radio Worldwide and more
> Marriage MOT: Opting out - or burying your head in the sand
> You've got to laugh: My wife's having a baby ...
> Members' Zone latest

> OUR SPONSORS FOR THIS WEEK

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> FROM THE EDITOR

Dear all

It has been a rollercoaster week for all of us - from the euphoria of Live8 and the excitement of the 2012 Olympics coming to the UK, followed by the shock and horror of Thursday's terror attacks on London.

So this week, we rerun two helpful pieces on sensitively helping your children cope with the fear and uncertainty terrorism brings, and some practical advice on keeping safe.

And our recommended sites focus on radio - vital Christian resources that really come into their own at times like this.

Yours in Christ - with our prayers for those bereaved and injured in the London bombs

Russ

Russ Bravo
Christian Family Network
info@cfnetwork.co.uk
http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk

IMPORTANT CHANGES

Christian Family Network is undergoing changes at this point that will see Families Together magazine increased to four times a year, the annual subscription lowered to just £10, and our newsletter and website updates moved to once a month.

Our website will also have the Members Zone password system removed, giving open access to all our resources across 1,000+ pages.

We'll be writing to current members about the changes, but we'd appreciate your prayers as we look to a new era of growth and development of the CFN ministry.

THIS WEEK'S INSIGHT

Helping your kids cope when terrorism strikes

• How do you talk through London's bomb attacks and their implications with your children? These 'Thoughts and Suggestions on Shepherding Our Children in Times of Crisis' from one US church may provide some useful tips.

Editor's note: these have been run on Christian Family Network before some years back, but the advice holds true and so we feel it's helpful to re-run it.

In the midst of recent events, one of our common reactions as parents is to shield our children from it. Children sense our stress and that of others around them; we must deal openly and honestly with the questions they may have.

So, what is the Christian response? 1 Peter 5:7 tells us to cast all our anxiety upon him, because he cares for us. Psalm 47 tells us that God is King over all the earth; that he reigns over the nations.

Why did God allow these things to happen? We don’t know (Deuteronomy 29:29). We cannot finally answer the problem of evil and suffering to our complete satisfaction.

We do know four things that God’s Word makes clear:

• Evil is real. We can and should be angry at this tragedy. Just as Jesus stood before Lazarus’ grave and was agitated at death (John 11:33-36), so we too should be angry at heartache and disruption.
  
  
• Evil is unnatural. As Dr Os Guiness has declared: "The world should have been otherwise."
  
  
• God is good. Romans 8:28-39 reminds us that God is able to make all things work together for the good of his own. Even though we do not fully understand these events, he promises to make good out of them. We are to fight against evil because our great God has fought against it at the Cross and won!
  
  
• God is sovereign. He has not lost control (Psalm 103:19; 115:3). One day he will put every enemy under his foot, conquer all evil, and bring justice to bear.

Helping Pre-School Age Children Handle Disaster-Related Anxiety

Reassure pre-schoolers that they're safe. Provide extra comfort and contact by discussing the child's fears at night, by telephoning during the day and with extra physical comforting.

Get a better understanding of a child's feelings about the disaster. Encouraging children to draw pictures about the disaster, and then discussing them, will offer insight into each child's particular fears and concerns. You can work to structure children's play so that it remains constructive, serving as an outlet for expressing fear or anger.

Helping School Age Children Handle Disaster-Related Anxiety

Children this age may ask many questions about the disaster, and it's important that you try to answer them in clear and simple language. If a child is concerned about a parent who is distressed, don't tell a child not to worry. Doing so will just make him or her worry more.

Here are several important points to remember with school-age children:

False reassurance does not help this age group. Don't say disasters will never affect your family again; children will know this isn't true. Instead say: "I'll always try to keep you safe," or "Adults are working very hard to make things safer for the future."

Children's fears often get worse around bed time, so you might want to stick around until the child falls asleep in order to make him or her feel protected.

Monitor children's media viewing. Images of the disaster and the damage are extremely frightening to children, so consider limiting the amount of media coverage they see. A good way to do this without calling attention to your own concern is to regularly schedule an activity - story reading, drawing, movies, or letter writing, for example to replace watching the constant news coverage.

Allow them to express themselves through play or drawing. As with younger children, school-age children sometimes find comfort in expressing themselves through playing games or drawing scenes of the disaster. Allowing them to do so, and then talking about it gives you the story they have expressed in pictures with an emphasis on the child’s and his or her family’s safety.

Don't be afraid to say: "I don't know." Part of keeping discussion of the disaster open and honest is not being afraid to say you don't know how to answer a child's question. When such an occasion arises, explain to your child that disasters are very unpredictable, and they cause things that even adults have trouble dealing with. Temper this by explaining that, even so, adults will always work very hard to keep children safe and secure. **

* Prepared by the pastoral and children’s ministry staff of McLean Presbyterian Church in McLean, VA.  September 11, 2001.

**The above information has been supplied by the NC State University Website. For more information, log on to http://www.ces.ncsu.edu

> THIS WEEK'S NEWS

> Our schools are teaching 'sex lies' say campaigners

Between 1995 and 2003, the number of new HIV cases in Britain more than doubled while diagnoses of other sexually transmitted infections also rose rapidly - gonorrhoea increased by over 130%, chlamydia by over 190%, and syphilis by over 1,000%.

Go to http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/news.asp for the full story

> Service for stabbed teenager promotes peace

Young people made a stand against gun violence and knife crimes when they gathered to celebrate the life of Charlotte Polius, the 15-year-old teenager who was fatally stabbed at a party in Ilford in April this year.

Go to http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/news.asp for the full story

> Christian domestic abuse prolific

The Methodist Conference has adopted a report calling for more action to deal with domestic abuse.

Go to http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/news.asp for the full story

> MARRIAGE MOT

> Check out our archived marriage tips in the Members' Zone, plus stacks more marriage resources at http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk

Opting out - or burying your head in the sand

I’m a "detail" person, my husband is not. Sometimes he just wants some space or doesn’t like the subject I am trying to bring up. His response may well be to get snappy and disappear down to the computer where he can immerse himself in jobs and avoid talking to me. I am left frustrated, saving my concerns up for another onslaught later.

We can opt out more subtly than that by changing the subject to avoid conflict. Or we may hide behind a book, a newspaper, or in the "loo", or in glorious silence in front of the TV. We’re trying to wallpaper over the cracks but the paste has gone off and the cracks soon reappear.

Sometimes we need to argue for the sake of our relationship. We need to have things out, to face up to and deal with the issue. Choosing the right time and observing a few rules of engagement is always wise, like avoiding name-calling, being blunt or hurtful or bringing up past history.

Do you opt out when disagreements or difficult issues surface? How do you usually behave? Is it helpful? What could you do instead to come through it more constructively?

> EVENTS

> YOU'VE GOT TO LAUGH ...

A man phoned the hospital in a state of excitement: "My wife is pregnant! Her contractions are only two minutes apart!!!"

The doctor asked: "Is this her first child?"

The man quickly responded: "No, you fool - this is her husband!"

[forwarded to www.mikeysfunnies.com by Adon Brownell]

> CHRISTIAN FAMILY NETWORK THIS WEEK
(MEMBERS' ZONE) - http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/default.asp

> Advice
> Kate's Marriage advice -
> Eric Spellmann on searching techniques
> Helping your children cope when terrorism strikes
> Practical Government help on being security conscious

> Resources

> Ruth Oliver interviews Sir Bob Geldof on family, faith and campaigning
> W Bruce Cameron flies first class
> David & Pauline Pearson notch up 1,000th seminar on church child protection
> John Musgrave on cancer at age 29

> Magazine
> The lowdown on what's in the new Summer issue of Families Together

> News:
> Schools are teaching 'sex lies'
> Service for stabbed teenager promotes peace
> Christian domestic abuse prolific

> Sites:
> Online and digital Christian radio: UCB, Premier, CrossRhythms, TWR, Revival, Radio Worldwide and more

> Events: New family events plus what's on near you

> Webwatch index: more than 700 sites categorised at your fingertips

> Site Search Engine: the easy way to trawl our 1,000-page plus archives

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