Conflict
in marriage - and how to handle it - CFN newsletter 72
CHRISTIAN FAMILY NETWORK NEWSLETTER 72
> J John looks at handling conflict in your marriage
> News:
> Charity aims to help dads become good role models
> Former football hard man in ministry to disruptive pupils
> Sex education: new approach needed
> Sites:
> BBC launches new family-friendly search engine
> Great sites for Sunday school teachers
> Events: New guide to 2002's festivals/Bible weeks
> Marriage MOT: Life's too short
> Humour: God is watching ...
> Members' Zone latest
So many relationships are put under strain and sometimes break down because we struggle to handle conflict.
That's why, over the next few updates, we're reprinting J John's wide-ranging chapter on the subject in his new book Marriage Works. In it he looks at what happens when husbands and wives fall out, the underlying causes and ways to handle it more effectively.
Somehow I never quite buy those 'Golden Wedding couple' lines about never having a cross word. Most of us disagree at times, argue and have the odd flaming row. Or we just bury conflict and refuse to face it.
Hopefully this new series will help all of us handle it better, using biblical principles.
Enjoy our latest content - and do let us know what you'd like CFN to cover in the future.
God bless
Russ Bravo
Christian Family Network
info@cfnetwork.co.uk
http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk
ADVICE
Conflict in marriage - and how to handle it
- In
the first of a series of articles taken from his new book Marriage
Works (Authentic Publishing), popular speaker and author J John
looks at the thorny issue of resolving conflicts
"Gordon,"
Angela said, walking into the lounge with a letter in her hand. "I’m
just looking at the bank statement. Have you got a moment?"
With a twinge of foreboding, Gordon looked up from watching the television.
"Of course," he said.
Angela frowned. "It’s this item. £195, Elliots, on
14 May. What’s that?"
Gordon hesitated for a second. "That? Oh, that ... That would
be the new car CD-radio." He looked back at the television screen.
At the end of a long day, he really didn’t want to discuss the
matter.
"That much! That’s £200!" There was irritation
in her voice. "We were supposed to be paying off the overdraft."
"I told you about it." Gordon protested.
"You never told me it was that much."
"Didn’t I? Well, I’m sorry."
"It’s too much. It’s a major purchase."
Gordon waited for a moment before answering. "Look, it was a
bargain. I sit in that car for over two hours a day. It keeps me sane.
And you said it sounded nice."
"You hadn’t told me the price." Angela shook her head
angrily. "It’s not fair, Gordon."
"What’s not fair?"
"It’s happened again. You bought that digital camera in
the spring. In just the same way." She angrily reached for the
remote control and switched off the television.
"Hey, I was watching that!" Gordon was aware of a mounting
anger.
"Tough. We have joint finances. We agreed."
"Look," Gordon said, aware of the tension in his voice.
"I’m sorry I overspent. Right?"
"No." Angela threw the bank statement down angrily and put
her hands on her hips. "It’s not ‘right’. I work
to try to save money and you do this!"
"Look woman, stop making it out to be such a big deal. You buy
things without asking me. Our financial mess is as much your fault
as mind. You wanted that holiday."
There was a snort of angry disbelief. "Huh! Oh, that’s so
typical of you Gordon. That’s just so typical. Blame me. You
always do that. Whenever I have a problem with you, you turn it around
so that I become the one who is responsible." He knew she was
close to tears.
"Well I’ve had enough," Angela said suddenly, "I
wonder why I bother."
Then she turned on her heel and stormed out, slamming the door behind
her.
"And you aren’t the only one either!" He shouted as
he heard her footsteps go heavily upstairs.
With a sigh, Gordon sat back in his chair and picked up the remote
control. His finger hanging over the ‘on’ button, he paused.
Angry rows happened in every marriage, he decided: his was no different.
He comforted himself with the idea that rows were like thunderstorms.
They just blew up and there was nothing you could do about them except
let them pass over you. They were, he concluded with a shake of his
head, just a fact of life.
He switched the television back on.
Is Gordon
right? Are marriage conflicts just a fact of life? And do they just
pass over?
For the rest of this article, head for the Advice section at http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/advice.asp
> THIS WEEK'S NEWS
>
Charity
aims to help dads become good role models
Too many dads are failing to show good leadership, says a national
Christian-based parenting charity.
Go to http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/news.asp for the full story
> Former football hard man in ministry to disruptive pupils
A self-confessed soccer hard man, whose life was dramatically transformed by Christ, is having a similar impact on the behaviour of inner-city schoolchildren - and has been given a £100,000 grant to reach many more of them.
Go to http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/news.asp for the full story
>
Sex
education: new approach needed
CARE has given its backing to the conclusions of the recently-released
Ofsted Sex and Relationships report, which called for a different
type of sex education in schools.
Go to http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/news.asp for the full story
> DON'T MISS
On 13 July 2002 thousands of Christians from all generations, denominations and races, are expected to gather at Reading's Madejski football stadium for a day of prayer, fasting, repentance and worship, to see the hearts of this nation turned back to God.
Much more information on this gathering, its background, how to get involved, and details of the Christian leaders supporting TheCall England can be found at http://thecallengland.com
>
MARRIAGE MOT
Continuing our partnership with marriage resource site 2-in-2-1.co.uk,
here's their regular marriage tip from Kate:
Life's
too short
She sat and looked at the pair of slippers by the fire, the sweater
discarded the night before. Everything around her reminded her of
him.
He wasn't coming home - ever. So many questions filled her mind, but
so many reproaches too. Did he know she loved him? Had she told him
recently? Why had they quarrelled last night - it all seemed so irrelevant
now?
So many dreams they'd had at first, so many plans of how it would
be for them. Now the door had closed and there were no more opportunities.
They'd had their time.
If only?
What would you say to each other today, if you knew there would be
no tomorrow? Grasp the opportunities while you have them and be thankful
for each new day that comes.
>
Check out our archived marriage tips in the Members
Zone, plus stacks more marriage resources at http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk
.
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> EVENTS
New: Alive for God 2002. Check out our Events guide in the Members'
Zone at http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/resources.asp
Send your family/church event to info@cfnetwork.co.uk
for a free listing.
> SITES WORTH SEEING
Work with children? Two very useful sites to check out, each packed
with ideas, free material and advice, are www.childrensministry.net
and www.kidssundayschool.com
As a result of users indicating their dissatisfaction with current
search options during research - too many US sites in results, and
too much US advertising - the BBC has launched a new Internet search
engine called BBCi Search. It challenges
these issues by delivering both UK and foreign websites, (although
hierarchical preference is given to the most relevant UK destinations),
has no adverts and is tagged a 'family-friendly' search facility due
to the use of sophisticated software to remove any pornographic/derogatory
material from the search database.
> YOU'VE GOT TO LAUGH
Up at
the head table in the cafeteria, one of the nuns had placed a big
bowl of bright red, fresh, juicy apples. Beside the bowl, she placed
a note which read: 'Take only one. Remember, God is watching'.
At the other end of the table was a bowl full of freshly baked
chocolate chip cookies, still warm from the oven.
Beside the bowl was a little note scrawled in a child's handwriting
which read: 'Take all you want. God's watching the apples'.
>
CHRISTIAN FAMILY NETWORK THIS WEEK
(MEMBERS' ZONE) - http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/default.asp
> Advice: J John on handling conflict in marriage - Part
1
> Fun: Smile - you're a parent!
>
Resources:
> Your feedback on multi-faith teaching in church playgroups
> What makes a good husband - looking at Proverbs 31
> Psalm 23 explained
> Reviews:
Video: Woman to Woman - that's life (Care for the Family)
PLUS Dancing disciples - an introduction to dance in worship
>
Top sites this week:
>
BBCi - new family-friendly, UK-based search engine
> Site resources for Sunday School teachers
> Free Bible study/devotional material to download
> Warning: new e-mail 'worm' virus on the loose
> Events: Alive for God 2002, plus the guide to 2002's festivals
and bible weeks
> Webwatch Index: more than 450 sites at your fingertips
> Site Search Engine: the easy way to trawl our 450-page
plus archives
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Just send an e-mail to leave-cfn-newsletter@cfnetwork.co.uk
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