The pain of losing a partner - CFN newsletter 82

CHRISTIAN FAMILY NETWORK NEWSLETTER 82

> Bereavement: Two Christians share their stories
> News:
> Teen pregnancies on the increase
> Prayer boost for men
> Parents' Week offers free resources and advice
> Sites:
> Marriage support sites
> Family Learning Weekend
> Marriage MOT: Priorities - what matters most?
> Events: Stacks of new events for all ages
> Could you be an online evangelist?
> You've got to laugh: Did you ever wonder ...?
> Members' Zone latest

Dear all

Family life can bring pain, so this week we're taking a particular look at two issues which many of us may have had to face: losing a partner, and tackling sibling rivalry. I hope you find them helpful.

There's also plenty of marriage support advicce and sites, stacks of news and events, and some fun to lighten things up.

Let us know what you find useful - and don't forget to use the bulletin board: it's there so you can chat to each other!

Enjoy the sunshine - and the rain!

God bless

Russ Bravo
Christian Family Network
info@cfnetwork.co.uk
http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk

INSIGHT

Losing a partner - the pain of bereavement

  • For those of us who are married, the thought of losing our partner through early death, or when our family is young, is painful. Yet we will all know someone for whom that has become a reality. Wendy Bray spoke to two people who live with such a loss.

Sue's husband, Mark, and Trevor's wife, Pearl, both died unexpectedly within the last few years, leaving them with young children. Trevor lost his wife when his daughter, Rachel, was ten. Sue's daughters were four and 17 months when their dad, Mark, died.

"Mark died very suddenly," says Sue, "within 24 hours of becoming ill. The doctor came, and called for an ambulance immediately, but even before it arrived Mark had stopped breathing in my arms. He had always been healthy. It was an overwhelming shock."

Trevor's wife, Pearl, also died without warning. "As Pearl's death was completely unexpected, we felt a sense of trauma, only later followed by grief. I had not understood this distinction, but certainly, in trauma, you feel and react differently, even unexpectedly." Sue describes her feelings as living in 'an emotional fog'.

"I felt that life had lost its meaning. The pain was crushing. There were times when I felt I could not go on, but had to for the sake of the children."

Emotional fog

In such a state of shock, both Trevor and Sue faced practical issues which simply had to be dealt with. Sue found dealing with financial arrangements harrowing and deeply felt the sense of 'being on her own' where the children were concerned. "There was the realisation that the children were totally my responsibility. I would have to bring them up, and make every decision concerning their future entirely on my own. I found this very daunting."

Sue also missed the 'teamwork' of marriage. "I suddenly had to cope with everything from blocked drains to car maintenance. In one incident, one of Mark's friends wanted to help me by checking the oil in the car - but neither of us knew where the bonnet release was! We smiled, then laughed, then ended up crying together because we missed him so much."

> THIS WEEK'S NEWS

> Increase in pregnant teenagers - and one in three have an abortion

Despite sex education and contraception more and more teenagers are getting pregnant.

Go to http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/news.asp for the full story

> Prayer boost for UK men

Christian Viewpoint for Men have their latest quarterly Prayer and Fasting day on Monday 14 October - and also have news of a new prayer group for men praying for the nation.

Go to http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/resources.asp for the full story

> Parents' Week 2002 offers free resources and advice

Images of Families is the theme of Parents' Week 2002, billed as a week for everyone involved with families - from parents and carers to grandparents and children, local and regional groups and national organisations.

Go to http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/news.asp for the full story

> MARRIAGE MOT

> Check out our archived marriage tips in the Members' Zone, plus stacks more marriage resources at http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk .

Priorities - do you focus on what matters most?

Most of us find modern life stressful and tiring. There is so much to do, so much to think about and so little time. Yet we have as much time as our parents and grandparents had, so what is going on?

Somehow we have to look at our lives and sort out some priorities. You could try making a list of the things that are most important to you, the people or things that you would be most sad to lose.

Then make a list of what takes the most of your time and energy. Have a look at the two lists and consider whether there are any changes you'd like to make in your life. Some things can't be changed - we all have to earn a living, look after children or dependent relatives.

Do you choose to do things according to whether they're important or urgent? Why is it we will drop everything to answer the phone? Would it be the end of the world if we didn't answer it? Do you ever take the phone of the hook, switch off the TV and put a fence round some time together with your loved one?

Where does your husband or wife come in the two lists you made? Does that surprise you? Are you happy about it?
Today why not sort out your priorities and make sure nothing is allowed to squeeze them out!
.......................................................................
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> EVENTS

Catch up with the latest in our Events guide, including the Christian Viewpoint for Men annual conference, in the Members' Zone at http://www.cfnetwork.co.uk/members/resources.asp

Send your family/church event to info@cfnetwork.co.uk for a free listing.

> ALIVE FOR GOD THIS AUTUMN

Come and join us this autumn for an afternoon of celebration and encouragement!

Our women's event Alive for God, hosted together with CWR (Crusade for World Revival), has two dates lined up in November.

Under the title The Power of Prayer, expect superb teaching, inspiring worship and the chance to meet together and be encouraged by hundreds of other Christian women.

On 16 November, Faith Forster and Wendy Virgo will be the speakers at St John's Church, Wimborne, Dorset, while on 23 November, Elaine Storkey and Jennifer Rees-Larcombe will speak at Birmingham Christian Centre.

Both events start at 2pm and should end by 5.30pm.
Tickets are £6 by post (one free with every group of 10 booked):

  • Wimborne: Monica Acton, Merry Hill Cottage, Long Lane, Colehill,Wimborne, Dorset BH21 7AQ (Tel 01202 885589)

  • Birmingham: Maxine Pitherson, Birmingham Christian Centre, 1 The Parade, Birmingham B1 3QQ (Tel 0121 236 2997)

Or £5 (before 30 September) when booking by credit card with Nicky Sue Leonard at CWR on 01252 784712.

> SITES WORTH SEEING

Family Matters Institute and Community Family Trusts are working to bring together all interested parties in a community to support marriage and family life.

It's National Family Learning weekend from 11-13 October - head for www.familylearningweekend.com or call 0117 966 7755 to find out more

ONLINE EVANGELIST?

If you're comfortable with the internet and have a heart for the lost, Christian outreach site Acts on the Net is looking for you!

Sharon at Acts on the Net is looking to put together a team of online evangelists, so if that sounds exciting to you, pay a visit to http://www.acts-on-the-net.org or mail her at info@acts-on-the-net.org

> YOU'VE GOT TO LAUGH ...

Did you ever wonder ... ?

  • Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?

  • If Jimmy cracks corn and no-one cares, why is there a song about him?

  • Who was the first person to look at a cow and say: "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?

  • Why does Goofy stand on two legs while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

  • Why is a person that handles your money called a '"broker"?

  • If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

  • Why do The Alphabet Song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

  • Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

( forwarded by Lisa Farris)

> Advice

> Losing a partner - Wendy Bray talks to two Christians who have had to face loss
> Sibling rivalry - how do you handle it when your kids just don't get on?

> Resources

> Marriage survey - Dave and Liz Percival reflect on the findings of think-tank Civitas about the benefits of marriage for kids
> Parenting - tips on running a Parentalk course in your church
>More bizarre facts you'll want to share ...

> News:
> Increase in pregnant teenagers - and one in three have an abortion
> Prayer boost for UK men
> Parents' Week 2002 offers free resources and advice

> News extra

> Care for the Family plans Real Life Training

> Reviews

> New videos on a healthy marriage ... and celibacy (not to be taken together, please note!)

> Top sites this week

> marriage support and enrichment
> parenting and family courses
> family learning weekend

> Events: More of what's on near you

> Webwatch Index: more than 500 sites at your fingertips
> Site Search Engine: the easy way to trawl our 500-page plus archives

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