A
REAL LIFE SOAP OPERA
This is some correspondence alleged to have actually occurred between a London
hotel's staff and one of its guests ...
Dear
Maid
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom, since
I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little
bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower
soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
Dear
Room 635
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day
off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested.
The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex
dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars
I left today which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps
daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy, Relief Maid
Dear Maid
I hope
you are my regular maid.
Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little
bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you had added
3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here
in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial, so I won't
need those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my way when
shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.
S. Berman
Dear
Mr Berman
My day off was last Wednesday so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we
are instructed to do by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your
way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the
Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't remove the 3 complimentary
soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins
and which you did not object to when you checked in last Monday.
Please let me know if I can of further assistance.
Your regular maid, Dotty
Dear Mr. Berman
The assistant manager, Mr Kensedder, informed me this morning that you called
him yesterday evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I have
assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any
past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints, please contact me so
I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8am and 5pm.
Thank you.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
Dear Miss Carmen
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business
at 7.45am and don't get back before 5.30 or 6pm. That's the reason I called
Mr Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I only asked Mr Kensedder
if he could do anything about those little bars of soap. The new maid you assigned
me must have thought I was a new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars
of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars
on the bathroom shelf.
In just
5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are
you doing this to me?
S. Berman
Dear Mr Berman
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room
and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call
extension 1108 between 8am and 5pm. Thank you.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
Dear Mr Kensedder
My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room including
my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop
to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
S. Berman
Dear
Mr Berman
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I cannot
understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed
to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The situation will be
rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.
Martin L Kensedder
Assistant Manager
Dear Mrs Carmen
Who the heck left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night
and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay. I want
my ONE bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in here.
All I want is my bath size Dial.
Please give me back my bath-size Dial.
S. Berman
Dear Mr Berman
You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. Then you
complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I personally
returned them. The 24 Camays, which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are
supposed to receive daily (sic). I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere
Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps
so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know where you
got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size
Ivory, which I left in your room.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
Dear Mrs Carmen
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. As of
today I possess:
- On
shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and
1 stack of 2.
- On
Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of
3.
- On
bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4
hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
- Inside
medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
- In
shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
- On
northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
- On
northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries.
One
more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which
I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.
S. Berman
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