MEN AND WOMEN

EATING OUT

When men eat out and the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

When women eat out and the bill arrives, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he wants.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't want.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, comb, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the last hotel he stayed in.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS

Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

NATURAL LOOK

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dental appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears, and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Anon

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