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‘God is in control and cancer can’t destroy you’

ALISON HULL talks to John Musgrave about his battle with cancer

BEING diagnosed with cancer when you are only 29 is tough. Being told you only have “a 20 per cent chance of surviving the cancer” is tougher. John Musgrave, who is part of the head office team at Spring Harvest, has gone public with his battle with cancer in his book, My heart will choose to say, which is an intensely honest account of his experiences. It is emphatically not a ‘Victorious Christian smiles his way through cancer’ story. Was he concerned about being so honest?

“I believe it’s vital to be honest when going through difficult times. I have been nervous at sharing some very personal things with a wide audience, but hey, with bowel cancer there are only a few inhibitions you can hold on to! Some Christians seem to be able to offer such neat, tidy answers to difficult questions. I was concerned such people would be annoyed that I shared so many doubts and fears with few answers.”

So why did he decide to write the book?

“Firstly, I wrote for myself to help me remember all that happened. When I was first diagnosed, God showed up and from that point on he used the different experiences that came my way to teach me. I wanted to remember all that I learnt.

"Secondly, I wrote because I wanted people who had prayed for me to know how God answered their prayers. What has happened to me isn’t always easy to explain neatly and a book seemed the best route to take.

"Thirdly, I was encouraged to write so that my testimony could be of help to others. I felt what God taught me could be of value. The Bible says that we defeat Satan with the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony. I believe the testimonies of what God does for us are powerful, and I wanted to write to share mine and let God use it.”

How hard was it to write?

“I found the words flowed as I wrote – it wasn’t as if I had to squeeze out each sentence. But I had to keep going over what I’d written to make sure it really said what I wanted to say.”

And was it painful to revisit your experiences?

“As I wrote, it brought to the surface some of the fear and pain that was part of each individual chapter and it had to be faced and defeated all over again. Often I just wanted to give up and walk away, as it felt as if I was opening up hurts better left alone. But overall it helped bring a degree of closure to a turbulent bit of my life.”

What has the feedback been? “The feedback has been amazing. Again and again people say to me: ‘I don’t have cancer, but what you wrote has really helped me in my situation.’ People comment on how much they appreciated my sharing of doubts and fears, but say that how God responded to me brought them courage. Many identify with how God has taken me on a journey through a difficult time, and how my acceptance of what he has done for me is a continual faith walk.”

John finds that he still has to hold onto that which has been said to him. “My healing has had to be worked out spiritually - did God really say that? It has had to be worked out physically - will each scan show the cancer returning as expected by the experts? Yet it causes me to have to trust him, rely on him, and creates more opportunities to grow... although I wish it were a bit easier at times!' Having cancer gave God the opportunity to show me that nothing, not even something as small and deadly as a cancer cell, can separate me from him.

"I’ve grasped a little bit more understanding of how I’m an eternal being and that death isn’t the end. I’ve learnt that it’s more important to trust God, believing he does command my destiny, and keep on worshipping him despite our circumstances. It isn’t acceptable to only follow God when the going’s good. I’ve learnt what it is to fear something on both a conscious and sub-conscious level. But I’ve also learnt that fear can lead to faith, causing us to run to God knowing we can’t make it on our own. I’ve learnt that God really does use all things for good. I’ve learnt that God works through his children, that our friends, colleagues, church family can be the arms, ears, heart of God, through which he cares for us.”

And what would he say to anyone else facing cancer?

“Don’t feel guilty. Even if you have done something that has led to the cancer coming, God can turn the situation around. Whether you live or die, God is still in control and cancer can’t destroy you, it isn’t the end. Look for how God can use the experience to teach you. Allow yourself to feel despair, just try not to cut God out. Talk to him about how you feel. Let people care for you. I could go on and on!”

Alison Hull is a journalist and editor based in Bristol

© Christian Family Network
is run by CPO, supported by
Care for the Family, Marriage Resource, Positive Parenting,
Care, Women Alive, Christian Herald and many others.


		real life ‘God is in control and cancer can’t destroy you’ ALISON HULL talks to John Musgrave about his battle with cancer BEING diagnosed with cancer when you are only 29 is tough. Being told you only have “a 20 per cent chance of surviving the cancer” is tougher. John Musgrave, who is part of the head office team at Spring Harvest, has gone public with his battle with cancer in his book, My heart will choose to say, which is an intensely honest account of his experiences. It is emphatically not a ‘Victorious Christian smiles his way through cancer’ story. Was he concerned about being so honest? “I believe it’s vital to be honest when going through difficult times. I have been nervous at sharing some very personal things with a wide audience, but hey, with bowel cancer there are only a few inhibitions you can hold on to! Some Christians seem to be able to offer such neat, tidy answers to difficult questions. I was concerned such people would be annoyed that I shared so many doubts and fears with few answers.” So why did he decide to write the book? “Firstly, I wrote for myself to help me remember all that happened. When I was first diagnosed, God showed up and from that point on he used the different experiences that came my way to teach me. I wanted to remember all that I learnt. "Secondly, I wrote because I wanted people who had prayed for me to know how God answered their prayers. What has happened to me isn’t always easy to explain neatly and a book seemed the best route to take. "Thirdly, I was encouraged to write so that my testimony could be of help to others. I felt what God taught me could be of value. The Bible says that we defeat Satan with the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony. I believe the testimonies of what God does for us are powerful, and I wanted to write to share mine and let God use it.” How hard was it to write? “I found the words flowed as I wrote – it wasn’t as if I had to squeeze out each sentence. But I had to keep going over what I’d written to make sure it really said what I wanted to say.” And was it painful to revisit your experiences? “As I wrote, it brought to the surface some of the fear and pain that was part of each individual chapter and it had to be faced and defeated all over again. Often I just wanted to give up and walk away, as it felt as if I was opening up hurts better left alone. But overall it helped bring a degree of closure to a turbulent bit of my life.” What has the feedback been? “The feedback has been amazing. Again and again people say to me: ‘I don’t have cancer, but what you wrote has really helped me in my situation.’ People comment on how much they appreciated my sharing of doubts and fears, but say that how God responded to me brought them courage. Many identify with how God has taken me on a journey through a difficult time, and how my acceptance of what he has done for me is a continual faith walk.” John finds that he still has to hold onto that which has been said to him. “My healing has had to be worked out spiritually - did God really say that? It has had to be worked out physically - will each scan show the cancer returning as expected by the experts? Yet it causes me to have to trust him, rely on him, and creates more opportunities to grow... although I wish it were a bit easier at times!' Having cancer gave God the opportunity to show me that nothing, not even something as small and deadly as a cancer cell, can separate me from him. "I’ve grasped a little bit more understanding of how I’m an eternal being and that death isn’t the end. I’ve learnt that it’s more important to trust God, believing he does command my destiny, and keep on worshipping him despite our circumstances. It isn’t acceptable to only follow God when the going’s good. I’ve learnt what it is to fear something on both a conscious and sub-conscious level. But I’ve also learnt that fear can lead to faith, causing us to run to God knowing we can’t make it on our own. I’ve learnt that God really does use all things for good. I’ve learnt that God works through his children, that our friends, colleagues, church family can be the arms, ears, heart of God, through which he cares for us.” And what would he say to anyone else facing cancer? “Don’t feel guilty. Even if you have done something that has led to the cancer coming, God can turn the situation around. Whether you live or die, God is still in control and cancer can’t destroy you, it isn’t the end. Look for how God can use the experience to teach you. Allow yourself to feel despair, just try not to cut God out. Talk to him about how you feel. Let people care for you. I could go on and on!” Alison Hull is a journalist and editor based in Bristol © Christian Family Network is run by CPO, supported by Care for the Family, Marriage Resource, Positive Parenting, Care, Women Alive, Christian Herald and many others.