IT CAME A PUN A MIDNIGHT CLEAR

• In case your crackers don't have enough awful Christmas jokes ...

What do they call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses

Who sings Love Me Tender and makes Christmas toys?
Santa's little Elvis

If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?
Missile toe

How does Santa Claus take pictures?
With his North Pole-aroid

What do you call the fear of getting stuck while sliding down a chimney?
Santa Claus-trophobia

What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?
Sandy Claws

The 3 stages of man:
He believes in Santa Claus
He doesn't believe in Santa Claus
He is Santa Claus

Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
Because it soots him

What can Santa give away and still keep?
A cold

Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
He wanted to sleep like a log

What do elves learn in school?
The Elf-abet!

What do you call a bunch of chess grandmasters bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic

Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can ho-ho-ho

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite

What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbon hood

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes

What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has NO EL.

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