Taken with permission from Who Left Grandad at the Chip Shop? (Lion, £8.99) by Stewart Henderson, with illustrations by Nigel Baines. Reproducing these items without permission from the publishers is an infringement of copyright.

I wonder where ... ?

Mrs Thomas, there's a question
I would like to ask you.
It's been troubling me lots
... that's a very nice brooch you're wearing ...
the question is, where do we go when we die?

I've asked lots of people.
I asked my brother
but he was off out.
My mother didn't know
and my father didn't care.
I asked one of the dinner ladies
but I think the question upset her.
I even asked our dog,
he just wagged his tail
which is one way of looking at it.

Why I'm asking is that my grandmother
died last week and she's gone to Plymouth.
I couldn't go because it was too far
but everyone said it was a very nice service.
It was where she wanted to go
because that's where she came from.

Mrs Thomas, what do you think?
Where do we end up?
... Where we've always wanted to go ...
... Not Plymouth ... Somewhere bigger ...

I wonder where that is then?

World beater

Dennis plays tennis
James goes to the gym
Walter's a vaulter
I'm nothing like him

Bertha's a surfer
afflicted with cramps
I prefer licking
so I collect stamps

Sounds

Crunching ginger biscuits
is like hearing soldiers tread,
marching over gravel
on the inside of your head

Chewing a marshmallow
is nowhere near as loud.
It's the smaller, sweet equivalent
of swallowing a cloud.

Copyright 2000 Stewart Henderson

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